How I Met Your Grandma

There’s going to be a day where I’m old and grey and my grandkids are going to ask me how I met their grandmother. I’ll launch into an eight year long story where I tell them about how I slept with half of New York…

I think that at some point in the not so distant future people will look to this era as the dark ages of dating. Dating, the traditional way, is hard. Meeting people whom you don’t hate is a challenge. Some people are lucky enough to have friends who will set them up. My friends aren’t those people. And when they do they preface it by saying, “she has a great personality”, “she’s really smart”, which is all fine and dandy but I’m sure it’s code for fugly. It’s happened often enough that at this point I’m sure they’re just out to get me. And don’t get me wrong, I’m all for girl with great personalities, but it has to balance out.

So what do we do instead? We go to bars and try to get blackout drunk, lose a bunch of brain cells and try to convince someone to mate with us in a poorly lit room with music that’s way too loud. And to even get to this point, we buy them a drink just so that they’ll feel obligated to talk to us because we’re at the point where we have to basically pay people to have any sort of social interaction. It’s hiring a hooker but without the guarantee of getting some strange or the risk of getting thrown in jail.

The way the dating world is set up now is pretty terrible. You devote so much time and energy into one person and most of the time that person is complete and utter asshat. Because every time that you go to bar and try to hit on someone, you’re taking a gamble. You don’t know if that person is a Neo-Nazi or likes torturing kittens. The only reason we openly try to hit on someone is because of pure physical attraction, unless you’re a mind reader. And if that’s the case you don’t need to read anymore.

We’re going to get old and we’re going to tell our kids, grandkids, and great grandkids about how we met our significant others. And you know what they’re going to do? They’ll look at us like we’re morons because who actually enjoys going through all of that? Okay, maybe some people, but you get my point. But I’m pretty sure there are better ways to try to quell your sexual desires without sacrificing your brain cells.

If only there were other ways to meet people. Maybe try online dating. Yeah, sure, you won’t have an epic story like the ones we see on TV. But at least you’ll find someone that you actually know you’ll get along with instead of trolling bars and trying to pick up people who won’t just lay on top of you, slowly suffocating you while think of all the poor life choices you made to get to this point or if you remembered to feed the dog.

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Author

Yon Yonson

My name is Yon Yonson, I come from Wisconsin. I work in a lumber yard there. Everyone that I meet When I walk down the street, Says "Hello! What's your name?" And I say: My name is Yon Yonson...